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 How to help your child to make friends

Helping your children make friends in a brand new town during a pandemic is difficult for any parent. But parents of children with autism spectrum may find it more challenging. We and our children still need to wear masks and maintain social distancing, coupled with the lack of structured activities for making friends and the children's own efforts in mastering certain social skills: there are many difficulties to overcome.

 

One such parent recently wrote to parent counseling for help in resolving this situation. This is her question:

    I am a single mother of an eight-year-old boy with autism. Although he is very high in the frequency spectrum, it is still difficult for us to find other children of his age, especially those who play with him.

When we visited the local park, the other children were not old enough to understand Ethan's special needs and attention. Needless to say, Ethan lacks a complete understanding of his particular needs.

For example, when he approached others and wanted to play with them, he didn't understand why they didn't immediately respond the way he wanted and felt frustrated. As I mentioned, Ethan is very high in the spectrum, just by observing him, no one will know that he is a little different. Ironically, this makes it more difficult.

    In any case, due to recent actions, we cannot visit our regular game dates, family and friends. If you can provide any feedback and/or suggestions, I would be very grateful.

In any case, it is difficult for eight-year-olds and new children in town, especially in Ethan's case. I can understand his frustration when trying to adapt to a new field and make new friends, especially when certain services or potential activities may now be restricted. In order to find some solutions, I contacted Dr. Cynthia Martin, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute's Autism Center, and asked her for advice.

Look for a social skills group 

As you know, establishing and establishing connections with other children and parents is very important for you and Ethan. Usually, this happens naturally when he goes to school and you work with the special education coordinator of the school district or the chairperson of his Individualized Education Program (IEP). However, if he is still studying partly or fully at home, it may be more challenging now. So Martin suggests that you start looking for a local social skills group for him to join.
A community-based social skills group helps children in the scope (not in scope) to meet other children who also need to develop and build skills to help them develop social relationships. This includes dealing with things like interaction flexibility, understanding the reciprocity needed with others (and things will not always go the way you want), and managing the unpredictability of peer-to-peer behavior.

"There is a lot of unpredictability in social relations, which is difficult for children with autism; even if it is very gentle and they are powerful, for their peers, such unpredictable peers may be very Difficult," Martin said. "So, finding a face-to-face social skills group in the community is a great way to get to know other children and other families, and these children and other families may be very harmonious with that particular child."

There are several places to find these groups. You can start by studying the academic medical centers and children's hospitals of local universities. Martin said these centers may have a neurodevelopmental, autism, ADHD or behavioral disorder clinic with social skills groups as part of their programs (or under such programs). These projects usually hold meetings once a week, and there is also a parent component that can help you learn to better support your child’s social interactions.

Help them develop their interests

Another good way to help Ethan build some friendships is to involve him in a structured group or activity that he is already interested in, whether it's Minecraft, graphic novels, Lego bricks, or baseball. Having an inherent common interest creates a framework in which friendships can be built. You might find these groups through schools or local libraries-if these groups are of mixed ages, Martin said, so much the better. Many children in the range have social motivations, but they struggle with flexibility and awareness of certain subtleties when interacting with their peers.

"Sometimes pairing them with older or younger children will eventually make the interaction more successful, because younger children are more likely to follow the older children's ideas," Martin said. "Older children may be more aware of children's differences."

For example, if a 12-year-old is playing with an eight-year-old who says or does something that seems to be socially naive or immature, the older child is more likely to attribute those behaviors to the younger child’s age, rather than an underlying neurodevelopmental difference.

Again, those opportunities may be limited right now, so it’ll be important to get creative and try to find similar opportunities online. In particular, look for local groups that are connecting virtually over a common interest so that when things do open up more, you’ve already built a connection that can develop even further in person.